Oh hiya! I'm Brian Mawhinney!
The doctor of blue rinse and spin!
Just look at the scenes on my ciné!
The good time's about to begin!
The party is hunky and dory!
We're making a wonderful splash!
I'm jingling! I'm tingling! I'm Tory!
Just look at me cutting a dash!
I'm drip-dry! I'm Bri - as in Nylon!
Just look at these beans! They're so tinned!
It's my spoof! Hit the roof! Put a smile on!
You can't hear my words for the wind!
The economy's safer than houses!
The country is brimming with zing!
I fly by the seat of my trousers!
Just watch me! I can't feel a thing!
Our railways and cameras are rolling!
The chairmen have potted the pink!
The polls are extremely consoling!
We're causing a very big stink!
The prisons are full to the gunwales!
The jobless are not unemployed!
There are lights at the end of your tunnels!
Oh God! I am so overjoyed!