Free Willy

I'm the boy who was batman to Robin,
The dish who ran off with the spoon,
The jobber the Scouts put their bob in,
A plum who prefers to be prune.

I'm the Osmond your grandmother trusted,
I'm Thatcher's penultimate straw,
Banana they mash up with custard,
A top gun but very small bore.

I'm a man who's a safe pair of mittens,
The consort of all the undead,
The kid who can give Tony kittens -
A millennium dome on my head.


[June 1997]

From the book Labour Pangs

William Hague was elected leader of the Conservatives and the millennium project was saved.