Bromide from Rome in my cocoa,
Alone in a celibate cell,
I'm lonely and lovelorn and loco,
But safe from the clutches of Hell.
The mucky thoughts under my mitre!
The terrible, dreadful desires!
I must pull my underwear tighter
To ward off Eternity's fires.
My thighbone's a relic. I keep it
In hiding, away from the gaze.
My life's an emotional fleapit -
But I won't be facing the blaze.
I must not let down my defences,
Although the temptation is hot,
And in case I should come to my senses,
I'll keep it tied up in a knot.