Raising Standards


Let them chant their twelve times table,
Let them wear their winter vests,
Learn of Baal, learn of Babel,
Let them pass their yearly tests.

May their faces, freshly flannelled
Cluster round the home-made crib,
May their thoughts be surely channelled,
May their ink stay on the nib.

Football, netball, hockey, cricket,
Hula-hoops and skipping ropes -
These confound what's really wicked,
Blow away ignoble hopes.

Every time you wear a blazer,
Every time you eat your pud,
Someone puts away a razor,
Suddenly believes in good.

If the teachers, newly barbered,
Furled themselves in scholars' gowns,
Louts like this should not be harboured
In our villages and towns.

Each headmaster in his study,
If he does not spare the rod,
Has the means to give a bloody
Nose to those who sneer at God.

Show the Fascists all their failings!
Set their causes firmly back! -
High above the playground railings
Raise the loyal Union Jack!

From the book Tony Blair reminds me of a budgie

John Patten suggested flying the Union Jack on schools to discourage the attractions of the British National Party.