The Cruellest Month

Don't book a day out in April,
Don't plan a mooch in the Med,
But pamper your thighs
For a poor sap to rise -
In Spring, you shall stand by your bed.

Don't plan awaydays near Mayday
(Traditional sign of distress),
But get your loins girt
For a new dose of dirt -
In Spring, you're adjusting your dress.

Scrub out that month in your diary.
Costa del Hol? Hold the jets!
But springclean your closet
And save your deposit -
In Spring, you shall come up rosettes.

Don't book a day out in April,
But think very hard about June -
When you've run out of speech,
You can land on a beach
From your personal hot air balloon.

From the book Tony Blair Reminds me of a Budgie

John Major advised Tory backbenchers to concentrate on winning over hearts and minds for the next general election. "Don't book a holiday in spring," he advised them.