from King Lear: the musical


Calamity Regan

Goneril: Liza Minelli
Regan: Doris Day

(at the end of Act I scene i...)

Goneril: We must do something, and i' the heat. (Exit Goneril)

Regan: Oh we're dead good gaugin' the state of our pater's brain:
He's a chatterin', batty an' flattery-courtin' insane -
Now is the hour - no time to delay -
Take his kingdom away, kingdom away, kingdom away!

Oh he's dead wood and he's definitely over the hill,
And although we bicker we're finally out for the kill -
Look at his Foooooool, his pet popinjay -
Take his kingdom away, kingdom away, kingdom away!

We'll change our evenin' gown
For his crown
With our royal embargo
On his Fool's farrago, that's our ploy, boy!

Oh we're fed good lines by that beddable Edmund churl;
He's a bastard boy but an earl for a go-getter girl -
It's in the stars, we'll wed, so they say -
Take his kingdom away, kingdom away, kingdom away!

The wheels of fate go round,
We'll be bound -
Can't you hear that drummin'?
Dire times are comin' down your way, hey!

Oh if Ed should wage a war on his pea-brained Pa,
He'll find he's blind if he thinks Ed won't get far -
The Gods may be odd, but who needs to pray?
Take that kingdom away, kingdom away, kingdom away!

In traducin' Gonerilla
When she's busy in a tizzy then I'll kill her:
She is strictly a non-starter
And she'll make an easy martyr
When the British people hear my latest line -
I'm glad to say she's got terrible friends of mine!

Why go stay with the folks a daughter loathes?
My beau says Nature's our design -
I know, it's time that Dad said Adios -
Yellin' like some whinin' child of nine!

Here's to leavin' no more botches,
And for little sis it's time for buenos nochas -
We cannot afford Cordelia,
Father's favourite lobelia -
When she'd nothing left, she couldn't but decline -
I'm glad to say that her future depends on some
terrible friends of some friends of mine!

It's a dead good age when you're young and your Dad's four score,
And at eighty, Pater, what are we waiting for?
Listen here, Pa, you old so-and-so -
Get up and go, get up and go, get up and go -
Get up and gooooooooooooooo!

From the book Send-Up

with apologies to Sammy Fain and Paul Francis Webster