Taking Pepsi with Fiona Pitt-Kethley

Once I had Pepsi with Pitt-Kethley -
she liked my bottle, so she told me.
It was curvaceous, with a slender neck.

Men like me like their bottles knobbly,
(so Fiona says). They jack the tops off
to slug back the brown, artificial
bubbles - then tell her something reminds
them of something...and once cost 1/3.

Pepsi gets right up Fiona's nostrils.
She jerked mine clean across the formica
and mouthed obscenities over its rim,
slurping the cola with thrusting lips.

"Pepsi sucks, but I prefer Coke,"
Fiona told me, fondling the bottle
into a nearby bin. She looked practised.

I can have a drink on her any time, Fiona said.

From the book Send-Up