When I'm Teaching Drama


Now I go drama-teaching
To earn an honest bob -
For a nosey parker
It's an interesting job.
It's a job that just suits me,
A drama teacher you would be
If you could see what I could see
When I'm teaching drama.

Assemblies take place in the hall,
I'm at the head man's beck and call,
I haven't got a room at all
When I'm teaching drama.

In my profession I'll work hard
Until my wages freeze -
You haven't seen an ad, have you
Which reads 'Incentive Es'?

Here's forty kids to exercise,
The room is half the staffroom's size,
But then I'm trained to improvise
When I'm teaching drama.
The parents want their Christmas fare,
For annual plays I must prepare,
This year I think I'll put on Hair
When I'm teaching drama.

In my profession I'll work hard
Until I'm out my tree,
And when my nervous breakdown comes
I'll teach them all R.E.

The other staff on me are hard
Because, despite my union card,
They think I wear a leotard
When I'm teaching drama.
My mind is full of teaching ploys
Of ways to match up girls and boys,
But heads say there is too much noise
When I'm teaching drama.
The order they think I dictate
Is "Come on, be a teapot, mate" -
In fact I tell them "Be a plate"
When I'm teaching drama.In my profession I'll work hard
To pacify each kid,
But should you see me on the street,
Please, guv'nor, spare a quid.

I'm not a Mrs. Heathcote man,
I'm no Viola Spolin fan,
I simply do the best I can
When I'm teaching drama.
I give them skills to deal with life,
I help to sort internal strife;
Evenings I beat up the wife
When I'm teaching drama.
There should be brain behind my face
But have a butchers in my case
And then it's time to Find A Space
When I'm teaching drama.

In my profession I'll work hard
To teach my drama class,
Despite them thinking I don't know
My elbow from my head.

When the kids don't push and shove,
That's called interaction, guv,
Two fingers up means Peace And Love
When I'm teaching drama.
My work has got a social goal,
And all my pupils play the role
Called How To Make the Best Of Dole
When I'm teaching drama.
I don't think that I'm in the core
Curriculum, I'm out the door -
Does that mean I shall break the law
When I'm teaching drama?

In my profession I'll work hard,
I'll do it every day -
The value of my subject's high,
Though not, alas, my pay.
It's a job that just suits me,
A drama teacher you would be
If you could see what I can see
When I'm teaching drama.


From Send-Up

(with apologies to George Formby)