Miserable Guy

I expect every cock in the henhouse to mock
My roaring repentance of sin in romance
And they'll cluck that they're vexed at my biblical texts
Adding ribald remarks about opening my pants -
For I'm so ashamed to reveal
The sights that made Monica squeal....

I'm as horny as Kinsey in August
Snagged in the zip of a televised lie
Please don't excuse what you've seen on the news
I'm a thoroughly miserable guy
I am in a confessional daily
With some congressional styes in my eye
No more a hick with a crick in his dick
I'm a thoroughly miserable guy

I'm contrite as a serial Bluebeard who prays,
A roué speaking true
I'm perfidious, I'm an insidious
Sinner who needs a new pew

I expect no mercy now Percy's
Wholly exposed to the Internet spy -
No gift of the gab, for I'm off to rehab
As a thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly, thoroughly,
thoroughly miserable guy!


[September 1998]

From the book Labour Pangs

Clinton’s woes continued

with apologies to Rodgers & Hammerstein