A Simpleton's Love Song


Osama Bin Laden, Osama Bin Laden,
Furnished with fruits from American garden,
How thankless you are, how graceless, ungrateful,
And after those bombs we supplied by the crateful!

My sweet, when defeating the Communist horde,
We gave you more missiles than we could afford -
Oh! treacherous terrorist! venomous cuss!
Even Pol Pot never targeted us.

Osama Bin Laden, Osama Bin Laden,
The CIA say that opinions might harden -
But marvelling Muslims will soon join our cause.
Muhammar Qhadafi will lead the applause.

Destroyers await you with Tomahawk Cruise,
Khartoum will go boom while you quake in your shoes.
Collateral damage? We'll beg for a pardon,
For now we're at war with Osama Bin Laden.

  [August 1998]

From the book Labour Pangs

with apologies to John Betjeman