Pledges

I will not sign the pledge because
I run a chicken tikka masala parlour.

I will not sign the pledge because
I have been vaccinated by MAFF.

I will not sign the pledge because
I wish to be spanked by Michael Ancram.

I will not sign the pledge because
I am pledged not to sign pledges.

I will not sign the pledge because
I am Portillo the Hun.

I will not sign the pledge because
I weigh my conscience in pounds and ounces.

I will not sign the pledge because
I do not know how to forge my signature.

I will not sign the pledge because
I am in a race with myself, and losing it.

           

[April 2001]

From the book Make Mine a Double