Sex And The Single Currency


Oh wow, I am hot for a florin,
Or a flash of some old-fashioned sterling:
I fancy an E-Day
Like baths in a bidet.
A tanner can keep my toes curling.

Iím frisky for feet, not for metres;
A clinch needs an inch, or a shilling.
The Euro, though handy,
Does not make me randy.
A rod, pole or perch is more thrilling.

Doctor Hague, this is vaguely exciting,
Repeat me that bushel-and-peck trick:
Your Emu, old Tony,
Doesnít tickle my yoni,
But my spine finds a pound-sign electric.

† † † †

[February 2001]

From the book Make Mine a Double

The Hagues were sexier than the Blairs, according to a poll of under-25s. Electronic implants can trigger orgasms,so a specialist had accidentally discovered.