Vroom!


Fill my tank with nandrolone:
My van is anabolic.
How it pumps around my sumps!
I am a gasaholic.

Hands off, thatís my steroid wheel.
My veins are thick and viscid:
Cut your prices, Iím in crisis!
Now fill me, Iím a whizzkid.

Come race, my carburettor heart,
And never mind whatís wasted.
I cannot cope without the dope
Till victory is tasted.

Iím running out of patience, mate.
My fierce footís on the pedal.
No odium: the podium
Awaits my oily medal.

† † † †

[September 2000]

From the book Make Mine a Double

Some British athletes faced dope test allegations. Some British drivers wanted cheaper petrol.