A Nationality Test

1. The foreign terrorist organisation is called
  a) Al-Qaseltzer  b) Al-Qaholics Anonymous  c) Al-Qapone

2. The next monarch of Great Britain will be
  a) Princess Anne  b) The artist formerly known as Prince
  c) The People’s Prince

3. The official religion of Great Britain is
  a) New Labour  b) City Zen    c) Grandslam

4. The currency of Great Britain is the
  a) euro  b) moolah  c) bung

5. The capital of Great Britain is
  a) Das Kapital  b) the Kop    c) Wembley

6. The national dish of Great Britain is
  a) pigeon  b) pidgin  c) blunkett

7. The national sport of Great Britain is
  a) kickit  b) hooligan  c) blair-baiting

8. The national Great British newspaper is
  a) The Tabloids  b) The Church Times
  c) Something For The Weekend

9. The national security service is called
  a) M25  b) M People  c) MI Lonesome Tonight

10. The Mayor of London is called
  a) Ken Dodd    b) Ken Wood-Mixer  c) Newt Gingrich

11. The Poet Laureate of Great Britain is
  a) Brit Ekland  b) Brit Vicorange    c) Britney Spears

12. Great Britain has a “special relationship” with
  a) Argentina    b) Germany    c) Iraq

13. The National Postal Service is called
  a) The Lottery  b) Letters Pray  c) Pat

Please fold your answer-sheet into a 1941 Spitfire dart before handing in. Thank you.

[September 2004]

From the book Make Mine A Double

A nationality test was to be devised for asylum-seekers