Six Limericks for Paul Burrell

What service he offered to her!
No storage quite like it, they’re sure:
  Not only the jewels
  And the letters from fools
But a matchless CD (Chris De Burgh).

    *

He read from her personal psalter,
And knelt at her rail, at her altar -
  How British the stock
  Of her very own Rock!
(Could we not do a trade for Gibraltar?)

    *

Blinded! And soft in the head!
A liar! Disloyal! Ill-bred!
  It didn’t feel fun
  When Paul stared at the sun,
So he looked in the mirror instead.

    *

“His is the ship we must scuttle!”
Cried Philip, as ever unsubtle.
  “Be quiet,” said Liz;
  “And think of our biz:
One taught him oneself how to butle.”

    *

“Book him, and read him his rights,”
Said the CID copper in tights:
  “I’m as hard as he’s soft.
Go up to his loft?
Forget it, I’m frightened of heights.”

      *

Dark forces - Queen Bess meets her Porgy.
(That’s Paulie, Di’s Deputy Dawg. He
  Had three-hour chin-wags
  About all his bin-bags.
Till she sang “How much is that corgi?”)


[November 2002]

From the book Make Mine A Double