I'm lord of the jingle and jungle,
Casting ermine and pearls before swine;
My enemies claim that I bungle,
But their teeth aren't as goofy as mine.
They've called me a carrion-eater
Who dined out at length on the dead,
But I've stronger teeth than a cheetah,
And a nice coronet on my head.
In fact, I'm more monstrous than ever,
A peer of the putrefied realm
Coining slogans so woefully clever,
They're sure to keep John at the helm.
Just look at the size of my choppers!
They're ready for red raw repast.
And because of the weight of my whoppers,
I've been sent to the boneyard at last.