Sit behind this table. Thank you.
Please wear our selection kit.
Hold still, while the bursars rank you,
Making sure your cap will fit.
If you have the dough, we'll buy it,
Mould it. Are you on our list?
Are you church or chapel? Quiet!
Here comes our phrenologist.
Now produce your son or daughter.
Would you call this thin or thick?
Neither will produce the mortar
For a better class of brick.
Trot along now, Mr. Ferret,
Try the school beside the swamp -
Not without a certain merit,
Though it is the local comp.
Take a tip from Mrs. Weasel -
Her son's brain we really rate -
Every phrase as clean as diesel!
He's our Tory candidate.