How To Git On In Society

Fax for the flick-knife, Norman,
Or send for the kukri (it's curved);
The doorman of destiny holds your cloak
And your treat has been richly deserved.

Are the flourishes tucked in your speeches?
The curlicue logic? Can't wait
For your soundbites with paraquat piping.
Your flounce into limelight looks great!

It's ever so close in the lobby;
The comestibles, dear, are for you,
And Redwood is out choosing tassels
To tart up your pelmet in blue.

Now here is a prompt for impromptus,
And do write their names on a card;
I know what I'm gasping to ask you -
Do you twirl when you're calling En garde?

Bile and then twiglets and Bolly?
And an After Eight laid in your lap?
Your refrains, dear, are such entertainment
And with such a rich coating of crap.

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From the book Tony Blair reminds me of a budgie

(with apologies to John Betjeman)


Norman Lamont was the first contender for the Tory leadership out of the trap